Bliss and Sorrow of Loving Escorts

[myredlightstory]

Bliss was not anything I expected when I first ventured down the path of meeting escorts. I honestly thought it would just be an opportunity to have enjoyable sex with attractive women. And it was that, at least for the first four women I met. It might even have just remained that, except then I met Juliette. From the moment she opened her door at her incall, something clicked into place. It was the feeling of coming home, of being reunited with somebody whom I had lost, but didn't even know that I had.

The session was amazing - the sex as good as any I had ever had. What hooked me, however, was lying in each other's arms afterwards, with Juliette's face just a few inches from mine, her eyes penetrating mine, talking about anything, laughing easily. You get the picture. It was just like those romance movies where two people find their soul mates. It was different though. It was better.

I couldn't put my finger at first on what made it so much better. I kept seeing Juliette and the more we knew each other, the more comfortable it became. My moments with her were some of the best moments of my life. I felt totally connected. The more I bonded with her, however, the more I missed her when I was away from her. All I could think of was being with her again. So I booked appointment after appointment. I soon realized why it was better. It was because she was perfect. Perfectly tuned into me, perfectly accepting of me, perfectly willing to listen to everything I had to say. She was the perfect companion. That was her job after all. In all of this though, my life became an emotional roller coaster. Being with her was bliss. Being away from her was sorrow.

Stupid John falls in love with an escort, you're thinking. But it was more complicated than that. I've been to enough therapy to realize that the human desire to connect with people is one of our most powerful desires. I suppose it originated when we were roaming around in clans pre-agriculture days more than ten thousand years ago. Whatever, it's there. Sex feeds into that, especially with men. Sex opens me up to emotionally connect. I've heard that women are the opposite, that emotional connection opens them up to have sex. But how does an escort figure into this? That's the part that makes it more complicated.

Juliette herself provided the key when she said once, "To really provide a great session for a client, I have to fully immerse myself in the experience. I have to act in the same way, and feel the same way, as if it really was a boyfriend girlfriend experience. On an emotional level, I am falling in love. At least for the duration of the session. I've just learned to manage that, to truly know that at the end of the session, it's completely over, as much as I may like the client. There was one time when I let myself go too far, and I developed real feelings for a client, and the client returned those feelings. When we discussed how we might develop a relationship, however, he insisted that I give up my escorting career. I wasn't willing to do that. So now I still 'fall in love,' but it's only for the duration of the session. It's also not with every guy. Some don't want that. They just want sex. Or to keep things really superficial. But others really do want a deep emotional connection. I give them that."

There you are: a perfect recipe for bliss and sorrow. I'm sure it takes the right combination of client and provider, but I could see through my own experience that with the right provider, especially one completely focused on the client, completely filling that craving for human companionship on both emotional and physical levels, that it provides the ultimate experience, kind of like injecting a powerful drug into your veins. It's mainlining. And it comes at a high price.

Ignoring the costs of an escorts time, the true price is that the experience treads this fine line between reality and fantasy. It is real in that what is happening in the moment is two humans engaging with each other. It's just that when session time is over, real life comes crashing in. How many times had I left from the session feeling completely despondent? Too many times. In a "normal" relationship, two people falling in love presumably have some choice over spending their lives together. With an escort, that's almost never an option.

The sorrow was two-fold. The first was just the inevitable down after the high, really no different than crashing after taking a powerful drug. The second was realizing that she could never really be mine - that ultimately she was completely unavailable for a "real" relationship. Deep down in my mind, I also suspected that if I knew her as she was in day-to-day life, I'd quickly realize we weren't compatible anyway.

Is it worth it? Is it worth seeking that level of bliss? For myself I've decided it isn't. I'm glad I let myself go there once, because I learned more about human relationships through that experience than in any previous relationship. But overall it's simply too traumatic and too distracting. So I'm much more careful now in how far I let myself go. I now protect myself emotionally just like the escorts - I let things ride during the session - but I clamp down on those rising feelings as soon as it's over. It's sad in a way, because I want to feed that underlying yearning, but I also realize that doing so can create an out-of-control situation. I suppose it's like having one or two glasses of wine instead of getting drunk. The thing I've realized, however, is that the drug of love and connection, the elixir of escort-client relationships, is far more powerful than alcohol.

[Guest041413-2]

Guys like DH, Pyramid, Wakeup already know this. They speak the 'truth'. Me, I'm a (hopeless) romantic.

[Ms. Athena]

Great story, with a lot of truths in it............Gonna have to check out his link.....

[john353]

Very thought provoking...indeed.

[davidsmith0123]

"The thing I've realized, however, is that the drug of love and connection, the elixir of escort-client relationships, is far more powerful than alcohol."

Alcohol? I suspect alcohol should be considered a trivial lower bound. Maybe cocaine.... the elixir of the escort-client relationship is far more powerful than many drugs...

[tonytiger4u]

Thanks for sharing your story! I can totally relate to what you've gone thru and I have no answers for it.

[Outdoorsman]

I understand what you write all too well. I actually went through, the "How f..ing stupid are you Outdoorsman for falling for a hooker" phase. I saw this lady on a daily basis at one point, we did family events together, dinners, lunches, talked on the phone, etc. etc. But the environment of manipulation, acting, and faking with her clients I think influence these ladies as they get paid by faking their experience with us. So, how does a humna turn that off especially when she so desperately wants that new car or trip or paid vacation. While we all say we can, it is simply not true, the human psyche does not work that way and the lady can start to manipulate her SO into buying her a car or whatever. Where does the hookering stop and real life start, that is the question that seems difficult to answer when one is possibly emotionally involved in this Hobby.

Love is an adicction, just like alcohol, or other substnaces. That is why people do some really dumb shit when in love. The same parts of the brain are activated as when using substances such as alcohol, the same chemicals are released into the blood stream, the same feeling of euphoria is created. This is why men fall for hookers and poor out all sorts of money to please them, in the hope she will love him back. I have heard too many stories of brilliant men buying cars, paying rent and then getting dumped. These are smart men that having fallen into the addiction of love. Goes the same way for women. I have seen women get beat on, cheated on, stolen from, abused, and the woman returns again and again for the same ill treatment. Love is an addiction.

But love can actually be healthy if handled correctly. Love is a beautiful thing when it is true. The trick is to listen to those that care for us in determining when it is true, because when we are in it, we cannot see correctly and do not judge correctly.

[Guest041413-2]

I think most Providers(not all) judge the very Clients who are part of this very peculiar relationship we have together. While sure Providers are being compensated, I've seen where in the end, they view Hobbyists through a certain lense. So, even if the relationships begin (on an emotional high), the unintended consequences (sometimes intentional) of a 'nice' gentlemen buying expensive gifts (cars, houses, paying bills, etc.) only spirals into a downward abyss of distrust, judgement, disrespect, etc.

I enjoy the 'moment' with select fems and to me that is what the hobby is about. It is best if both parties keep each other honest and keep this what it is, a hobby.

[Roothead]

yup I feel your pain....the only way I control it is to remove myself from the environment - literally - I travel every week and have had to learn to compartmentalize everything, hobby, work, SO and family, everything....

[Still Looking]

Completely avoided by being a non GFE hobbyist! LOL

[Old-T]

Thank you for sharing. The encounters in this business can indeed lead to some amazing connections for those who allow them.

Of all the ladies I've seen a small number have been that kind of real emotional connection. Never looked for--in fact they often ambush me at the least opportune times.

I've been burned, and inadvertantly I burned one lady when I didn't understand what was happening. Like any intense emotion--chemical, sports, war--the euphoria is often unsustainable and the down rush can make the crest seem questionably worth the ride.

Problem is, at least for me, the best of the emotions are intrinsicly linked to the eventual crash. I think it's a very personal ereaction & decision whether the peak is worth the valley. For me, on ballance, I'd say yes--but I can't speak for anyone else.

Each of the special ladie I have been involved with has been so different, but they all have had that unfefinable connection you mention. Several eventually drifted away. One lady died tragicly. A few of the rollercoaster rides continue today, each in its own form.

Your post brought back a lot of memories.

Thanks.

[Sabrina Morgan]

Originally Posted by myredlightstory

Juliette herself provided the key when she said once, "To really provide a great session for a client, I have to fully immerse myself in the experience. I have to act in the same way, and feel the same way, as if it really was a boyfriend girlfriend experience. On an emotional level, I am falling in love. At least for the duration of the session. I've just learned to manage that, to truly know that at the end of the session, it's completely over, as much as I may like the client. There was one time when I let myself go too far, and I developed real feelings for a client, and the client returned those feelings. When we discussed how we might develop a relationship, however, he insisted that I give up my escorting career. I wasn't willing to do that. So now I still 'fall in love,' but it's only for the duration of the session. It's also not with every guy. Some don't want that. They just want sex. Or to keep things really superficial. But others really do want a deep emotional connection. I give them that."

That's the best description I've read yet on how to manage healthy emotional boundaries as an escort who offers an immersive experience. Sounds like she knew how to hold a fantastic client container.

Thank you for sharing this.

I'd definitely be interested to hear how those of you who experience that "drop" after meetings manage or counteract it. I've seen it happen sometimes and while I understand how to reduce post-BDSM scene top drop or submissive drop, I feel helpless to do anything with my non-kink guys when it's the emotional connection for fear of making it worse.

[john353]

This is why I refuse to see one lady exclusively.

I have two ladies that I consider ATF's that I try to see on a regular basis depending on our schedules. Both are very different, but I approach them both in the same manner.

When I go to them, it isn't for some wild encounter or some need to fantasize that I'm on a porn set. Not at all...

...I see them because I have a need for an inner emotional release.

It's a desire to make love to a woman like she is my soulmate. To completely let myself go and allow my inner affections and built up passions to flow out of me and upon her. Needless to say...these sessions are very intimate.

This is where the differences are between the two ladies.

One of them...I can see it in her eyes that she has allowed herself to completely open up to me. In our time together, she is my lover and the rest of the world doesn't exist.

The other... I get the feeling she is holding something back. She hasn't been able to let herself go yet. I can sense it...I can feel it.
It's as if, she is allowing me my release...but she isn't able to fully reciprocate. She is loving but she is somewhat reserved. I can just tell!
To me...I can live with that because I really enjoy her. She has a quality that I never could find in another provider over the years. I know she's holding back for a reason...and I think I have a good idea of what that reason is; even though I can't be completely sure.
Maybe some day she will fully understand what it is I need when I call her, and she will be willing to give herself to me...for the time we are together. I can only hope.

When I see these ladies, I know that eventually my time will run out and I will have to leave. I take them in my arms and I kiss them one last time before I turn and walk out the door...but I never really say goodbye.

It's always..."See you next time."