A Perfect Day for a Woman vs. A Perfect Day for a Man

[capitan1962]

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs..

1:00 Shopping with friends.

3:00 Nap.

4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage

5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00 Hot shower. Alone.

10:30 Make love.

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.


PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:

6:00 Alarm.

6:15 Blowjob.

6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.

7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.

7:30 Limo arrives.

7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.

9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.

11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.

12:15 Blowjob.

12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.

2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay Martinis.

2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.

4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs.

5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00 Watch ESPN Sportscenter

7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip.

9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 Go to bed.

11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.

11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.



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[single1]

You know Capitan, you're never gonna get to your goal of 100 if you keep writing all this funny shit.

[capitan1962]

Originally Posted by single1

You know Capitan, you're never gonna get to your goal of 100 if you keep writing all this funny shit.

Yea the more I think about it I think I set my goal a little higher than I should have. I guess I will just have to cram in several of those overnight trips to Nuevo Laredo and bang about 4 different ones a night. If one wants to spend the night. "Lo siento mi amor, me falta como 92 reportes y usted vale uno nada mas."

[Bull149]

You will have trouble at the home base if you keep posting this kind of stuff where they can read it. It should go in the Locker Room, oh I forgot they read that too.