Piano Player Wanted
A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 Phantom pilot and a Colonel in the Louisiana Air National Guard but when they retired the Phantom they cashiered me as well. So I learned to play the piano on the GI Bill."
The barkeep wasn't too sure about this rather doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, the barkeep decided to give him a try and said, "OK give me a sample of your playing."
The Colonel staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, however, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.
It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You!" said the Colonel, after he took a long pull from the beer. "And I wrote it myself", he said.
The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player then went on with a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Light My Afterburner." He then excused himself as he stumbled and lurched to the john.
When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Look Colonel, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"
"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"
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