Dom/Sub** Communication and Knowledge.... IMPORTANT

[ItalianaPrincess]

Brookie,
I'm sorry that happened to you. What I can't understand is why none of his references told you, or mentioned to you anything about his mannerisms? WHAT GOOD IS A REFERENCE IF IT DOES NOT HELP YOU OUT?!! I always give very detailed references, to give the lady a "heads up" on anything out of the ordinary.

If he was that rough with you...surely this wasn't his 1st time to play like that.

[CenterLock]

It's all been said.

Sorry you went through this, babe. Definitely NOT the way dom/sub works.

[durango95]

Brookie,

Dom/Sub play is not for everyone, I was in the lifestyle a very long time, got tired of women that only pretended to be sub.

The first rule of dom/sub play is SAFETY. Safety safety safety safety. I cant say it enough. You are a woman and human being and if you want to stop any activity, you should stop and tell your partner. If he or she cant handle what you are telling them, just get dressed and leave. No one deserves to be hurt in any manner, physically or mentally. Always play safe and know your partner, which I know in the hobby is difficult. If you are seeing someone the first time, no rough play period. Get to know them first and feel comfortable.

I like kind of rough sex, face fucking, nipple pinching, ass slapping, hair pulling, its all good. But there are boundaries and common sense should prevail. Again SAFETY SAFETY SAFETY.

Sheesh I am all worked up now.

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

I am a guy (duh) and I tend to prefer roleplay over some of the more vanilla aspects of the P4P arena. I do not get into the BDSM in the strictest of senses so safe words and all that are not a part of the deal. But I am usually playing the role of the sub. Trust me, if someone goes too far with me I stop it right then and there. It's all about having fun. But that's just me. Everyone has to find their point of comfort.

Brooke, your situation was different because he was the client and you were trying to please him. But I agree with everyone who has stated that he dropped the ball on this. He can be as Dom as he wants, but he should always be checking to make sure you are OK. I mean, he knows he is being rough. Just ask. It takes all of five seconds. It won't ruin the scene. He was out of line.

[GabrielaSweetheart]

Wow thanks for posting your experience. This is exactly why I have been playing with the thought of bdsm, but i was contemplating situations like this. I have been searching for info but sometimes i just feel like i need a mentor lol

Just recover, stay strong, get everything you need to be prepared if youre gonna have a next time, and enjoy regular ol sex for a while until it passes (:

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by durango95

Brookie,
...
The first rule of dom/sub play is SAFETY. Safety safety safety safety. I cant say it enough. You are a woman and human being and if you want to stop any activity, you should stop and tell your partner. If he or she cant handle what you are telling them, just get dressed and leave. No one deserves to be hurt in any manner, physically or mentally. Always play safe and know your partner, which I know in the hobby is difficult. If you are seeing someone the first time, no rough play period. Get to know them first and feel comfortable.

I like kind of rough sex, face fucking, nipple pinching, ass slapping, hair pulling, its all good. But there are boundaries and common sense should prevail. Again SAFETY SAFETY SAFETY. ...

+10 to the googleth google power!!!!

i read an article a long time ago written by a sub [dont have the reference] and something struck me hard - it has lasted all this time. i've discussed it w/ several doms & subs and they have argued that this is not the way it works. maybe, but i'll go with this principle, in my B/D lite encounters and in life in general.

THE SUB HAS THE CONTROL!!!!
THE SUB GIVES CONTROL TO THE DOM!!
IT IS NOT THE DOM'S CONTROL. IT IS THE SUB'S CONTROL.

and i think that acting in a safe manner, as durango says, is part if not all of that.

so, [and this is not just for Brookie]...
* recognize you have control over your body, mind, and soul.
* if you choose to let someone have it for a while or for a long time, make sure they undertand how they can use that control. this is where pushing the boundaries comes in.
* and remember to take it back when you've have too much or the activities are over.

again, peace be with you brookie and everyone.

[Guest022315]

Brooke said something that needs to be pointed out lack of research. If your going to get into this realm i suggest reading, researching and interacting in the realm thread of Eccie also contacting Elisabeth Whispers ( wonderful person ) for pointers.

I see your feelings are hurt but it could have alot worse but your still standing. I wish you the best

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

Originally Posted by durango95

Brookie,

Dom/Sub play is not for everyone, I was in the lifestyle a very long time, got tired of women that only pretended to be sub.

The first rule of dom/sub play is SAFETY. Safety safety safety safety. I cant say it enough. You are a woman and human being and if you want to stop any activity, you should stop and tell your partner. If he or she cant handle what you are telling them, just get dressed and leave. No one deserves to be hurt in any manner, physically or mentally. Always play safe and know your partner, which I know in the hobby is difficult. If you are seeing someone the first time, no rough play period. Get to know them first and feel comfortable.

I like kind of rough sex, face fucking, nipple pinching, ass slapping, hair pulling, its all good. But there are boundaries and common sense should prevail. Again SAFETY SAFETY SAFETY.

Sheesh I am all worked up now.

I know me too... actually from what she described, I would probably like that. But everyone's limits are different. This is why more providers don't sub even though they may want to. They just don't feel safe. Communication before the session begins is key.

[Guest032514-1]

Brooke sweetie..that just sux.

I'm gonna +1 EW - p4p sub is different. It's much more dangerous than sub or escort. Esp when combined with "hooktard" mentality.

"Professional sub" and "escort" are two different things. Like driving a manual or automatic transmission - both are cars but different.

Submission (and the quote you included) does not mean degradation. It's an extreme example and I may burn in hell for using it here; but many people voluntarily "submit their will" to God. Does God degrade them for that?

Many people think kink / alt / BDSM / M/s is "hawt hawt hawt" and they have seen a few flicks and know what it's all about. So so wrong.

Quit beating yourself up about it, report him and take it as a lesson learned. (insert comment here @ references and were the refs on BDSM specific activities or just general "he's okay" crap & the importance of asking and replying specifics blah blah blah)

That was not a Scene and it's not acceptable.

[L.A.]

This scenario is disturbing. He should have left carrying "IT" in a baggie on his way to the hospital.

[KohanaKoa]

Brooke, we have met a few times and I am sorry that this experience went so bad for you. Like The Fetishist stated there are resources available to you.

Being a practicing Dom myself for many years, I will say that I agree with EW that there is a HUGE difference between being a Dom and a bully. A true Dom always lays the ground rules prior to beginning a scene, this includes a safe word and/or an action such as pinching my leg if you feel uncomfortable.

It is very difficult to experience the Dom/sub lifestyle in the hobby. One cannot reach the level of trust necessary from a single or even a few sessions with a provider. Only after several sessions of trust building can and should the thresholds be pushed.

Glad you are safe.