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02-20-2010, 05:32 PM
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#1
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Unfuckwithable
Join Date: Dec 29, 2009
Location: Tx. Hill Country
Posts: 5,880
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Why Dogs are better pets than Cats
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
08:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
09:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
09:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p..m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ..
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02-20-2010, 06:37 PM
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#2
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Pending Age Verification
User ID: 7867
Join Date: Jan 12, 2010
Location: Lone Star State
Posts: 6,013
My ECCIE Reviews
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LMAO!
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02-20-2010, 07:09 PM
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#3
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Jan 1, 2010
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 414
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oldie but goodie.
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02-20-2010, 08:36 PM
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#4
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Account Disabled
Join Date: Dec 31, 2009
Location: Texas... Mostly
Posts: 10,848
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Because dogs will lick anything with peanutbutter... anything.
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02-20-2010, 09:43 PM
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#5
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Dec 14, 2009
Location: san antonio
Posts: 1,232
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hey, i represent the cat nation and we resent this...LMAO ok ok..i kid..that"s some funny shit!!
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02-21-2010, 07:19 AM
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#6
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Philanderer’s Anonymous
Join Date: Dec 20, 2009
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 837
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BEWARE
Warning Signs that your cat is plotting to kill you.
Kneading on you: You may think this is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.
Excessive shoveling of kitty litter: after using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
Staring contests: If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.
Bringing you dead animals: This isn’t a gift. It’s a warning.
Throwing up grass: Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their minds and bodies for combat.
Hiding in dark places and watching you: Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.
Sleeping on your electronics: Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.
Pawing at your face while you sleep: cats aren’t good at smothering people, but this won’t stop them from trying.
Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter: When your cat does this, it’s actually a failed ambush.
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02-22-2010, 07:19 PM
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#7
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Pending Age Verification
User ID: 7867
Join Date: Jan 12, 2010
Location: Lone Star State
Posts: 6,013
My ECCIE Reviews
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Quote:
Because dogs will lick anything with peanutbutter... anything.
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JJ...and you know this from personal experience? (lol)
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02-22-2010, 07:31 PM
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#8
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The Mod In Black®
Join Date: Nov 22, 2009
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 36,491
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