A couple of escort jokes

[Naughtius Maximus]

A guy goes to see an escort who is absolutely gorgeous. After the introductions he asks if she gives a good hand job. She shows him around an exclusive upscale condo and says see hand jobs pay for this. Then he asks how her blow jobs are. She leads him over to the window and says see that expensive sports care in the private parking spot. Blow jobs paid for that. He says wow if that’s the case how well do you fuck. She points out to the marina and says see that yacht at the end of the deep water dock. If I had a vagina I would totally own it.

A guy goes to an escort who gets him all hot and bothered. As he struggles to get in her she asks what’s the matter, is everything okay? He says it terrible; it’s like trying to fuck a piece of sandpaper. She says oh I’m sorry just give me a minute and goes to the bathroom. She comes out a few minutes later and says okay let’s try this again. This time it’s soft and wet and he busts in no time. As he’s lying there he says I can’t believe the difference. What did you do? She’s like nothing special; I just picked the scabs off.

Q: What do you call an escort with a runny nose?
A: Full

[bc1969]

That scab thing is gross, I’m throwing up

[hotrix1]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.
Where have ye been all this time, child?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn’t ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?’

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff… Dad…. I became a prostitute.’

‘Ye what!!?
Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’

‘OK, Dad… As ye wish.
I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex.
And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera .’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff… A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl!
I thought ye said a Protestant .
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!’

[bc1969]

Lol,,I would not prostitute my daughter though, and the goddamn wont do it

[Guest072020]

I dunno, I bet there still some truth to what ho trix said. When I was in Scotland, there was definitely still some animosity between the Scots and the English. I have no experience with the Irish, but thinking this may still hold true to some.

[war eagle]

Originally Posted by hotrix1

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.
Where have ye been all this time, child?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?
Why didn’t ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?’

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff… Dad…. I became a prostitute.’

‘Ye what!!?
Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’

‘OK, Dad… As ye wish.
I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex.
And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera .’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff… A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl!
I thought ye said a Protestant .
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!’

Thanks HOT, I needed that one.

[hotrix1]

A couple of dudes decide to split the fee for an escort. The escort arrives and one of the dudes leaves his friend for a half hour to do the deed. He returns as his buddy was leaving to give him his turn. Asks him, "how was she"? His buddy says "Nyah, my wife is better".
The buddy comes back in another half hour. Asking the other dude how she was. Gets a reply, "You're right, your wife IS better".

[war eagle]

Originally Posted by hotrix1

A couple of dudes decide to split the fee for an escort. The escort arrives and one of the dudes leaves his friend for a half hour to do the deed. He returns as his buddy was leaving to give him his turn. Asks him, "how was she"? His buddy says "Nyah, my wife is better".
The buddy comes back in another half hour. Asking the other dude how she was. Gets a reply, "You're right, your wife IS better".

Damn.....