This is a great topic, thank you so much for your honest input and for your service.
Who's ready for a novel? I'll try to keep this short...
I can totally relate about PTSD; As far back as I can remember, my life has been one PTSD inducing event after the next. Certain things trigger it, I can't stand being driven anywhere, some days I can't manage sitting at a stoplight without freaking out. I have literally been on my own since I was around 8-9, so I have had to endure and bounce back from a LOT of fucked up shit in life.
I worked agency in college. I don't do agency/handler/etc. My life being what it is, obligatory bouts of addiction are kind of a given. I had nearly ten consecutive years clean when I moved back home. I think I had a good 3-6 months of happiness/no tragedies back in 06-07, I loved being a single mom, had a good job, a nice side hustle, believe in love at first sight, and oh man... I fucked myself hard on my second marriage. Not so much just in my choice of spouse, living with anyone is constant work, but I married into the stereotypical "no woman is good enough for the mother in law" bit, and I'm a purveyor of self-induced torture;, I can go about ten years not realizing ,"these people are assholes" and instead, just keep pushing myself harder to be perfect, it's a lot of crazy bullshit that I bring upon myself, but it's who I am and at my age, I'm not going to change. Look up the word "addictive tendencies" and there's me, being promiscuous and taking everything else, way too far. Was getting ready to move back to PA, at 8.5 months pregnant, my mom had relapsed and is a mean, not fun kinda nut, found a house(this was a big deal bc I went crazy about 15 yr ago and had lost everything), started closing on it when some asshole who didn't have insurance since the nineties plows into my kids and family while I watched in horror in my rearview. Crushes my one kid's skull, life support for two weeks while I'm fending off contractions, 300k owed to children's. Take said kid home with a traumatic brain injury and weaning off methadone-36 hrs later, I pop out my youngest, am stuck at the in-laws looking for another home. A victims advocate from MADD got involved, fucked the whole case, took two years to settle and I'd been on TOS for some time already, because since the case took that long, left it had left us footing the bills AND getting a mortgage simultaneously...yikes. So, somewhere in 2014, I assessed my life...
I had nearly ten years clean, a home, pricey new cars, 30k in jewelry.
I was hobbying because I was miserable in my marriage and the money was tight.
Despite my traveling the high (and truth be told, sometimes mighty) road to build up my version of my American dream from nothing, and doing my best to be a hardworking, conservative, sober and contributing member of society I lost or lacked anything that ever fuckin mattered or was worth anything.
So, I proceeded to fully lose my shit. 2014-2015 is a blur. I think by then, I just wanted to die, but just never could pull it off(obviously), so I went as hard as I could for a good 18 months or so until a wonderful/horrible thing happened- I got hit with a low level misdemeanor. I got probation, despite showing up to court in such a drug induced stupor that they'd halted the proceedings twice so the judge could tell at me. They said, "report. WEEKLY, test hot go directly to jail ". I said to myself, " looks like my probation career is over before it started". Stashed myself out, detoxed on my own about 30 times. 366 days ago, I was picked up and finally Sat in county for several months.
Today I have 1 year clean and managed to do it without getting fat...must be all that exercise I get at my job
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I kept the hobby, because I love it, and partly because I returned home to find I no longer owned anything but the clothes on my back. Today, I have a roof over my head, a vehicle, take care of myself -my skin isn't all fucked up and picked to hell and back anymore, so that's a plus, lol...ugh.
I hadn't realized that today is the 2nd until now. I figure that with my track record, I can be the happy hooker or go the Aileen Wuornos route; I still manage to always wear a smile (and a shit ton of trashy lingerie). Fuckin' life....fuckin' A!
Have a great day, and a nice sausage party, circle jerks, lol. Love yinz