So...I took all the pieces of the puzzle, put them together, and decided to give it another go. After reading
this thread over in the national discussion forum, my curiosity was piqued, so I did my research, found what I thought would be a suitable provider for this type of massage, got her ad, rates, etc...re-read the thread here to make sure my approach was on target, and gave it a go.
*disclaimer* I found the provider on backpage, and research showed me she had reviews on TER...but this is in an area of the country with almost no ECCIE presence, and until I can get
Vanessa Ink to go touring...gotta make do with what you have.
Monday Night
TG: Hello! I'm TravelingGentleman, an XX old Caucasian male that would like to book a two hour newbie massage tomorrow if you have any openings. I have references on both P411 and ECCIE under this name.
Tuesday Morning
Provider: Hello.
Tuesday Mid-Morning
TG: Hello there! Apologies for the late text last night. I'd been making an inquiry into an appointment with you. This discussion made me look you up:
http://eccie.net/showthread.php?t=1830664
Provider: Huh? I don't do website link so whatever it is you're trying to sell them in? Please go sell it to somebody else. I don't want to join your p*** site, I don't need to advertise with you. Please take me off your mailing list.
Tuesday Afternoon
TG: Erm...I don't have a mailing list. I was responding to your ad for massage services, inquiring after your availability for a massage, explaining that I'm a newbie to this type of massage, and I shared a link to the discussion about such massages that made me look you up in the first place. Apologies for the confusion.
TG: In the link that you're not looking at, someone asked what a prostate massage was; the ensuing discussion made me curious, and I found your ad.
Provider: So what is it that you want? To come over and get pegged
TG: Uh..not as newbie friendly as I was hoping. You advertised a massage - I was hoping for a massage and a conversation/introduction. Pegging sounds so...violent.
Provider: Sweetheart, are you aware of what sending links could possibly do to my electronics? I'm not going to open the link you sent me, it has nothing to do with me being newbie friendly, I don't want a virus on my phone. You can call me directly and we can speak, and we can talk about it. But I'm not going to open up your link, so I have no idea exactly what it is you're talking about
Provider: Honey you're obviously not text Savvy, I do apologize honey, it has nothing to do with my ability to work with first-timers, it has to do with how you're contacting me. Legitimately, I'm not opening any links. I do apologize
TG: Would you prefer that I call? I generally don't call providers prior to appointment arrangements so that I don't interrupt anything.
Provider: Look honey, I'm not your common provider. I am what's called a hobbyist, I do this simply because I can come up because it's more fun for me than it is for you. As much as you seem to want this, I truly do believe, that you would be more prone to visit somebody who could accommodate you are special needs. With all due respect in my sincerest apologies, and if you cannot meet my simple criteria, I cannot help you. Have a wonderful day honey, and I do hope so that you find what you're looking for but really, we're just not a good fit. This is just something I do in my spare time for fun, this is not my whole entire life.
TG: Hey now, I'm the hobbyist! I'm curious to try something new, but don't want to get hurt. I inquired after a massage and you countered with a strap on!
Provider: No you sent me a link, a link of which I refuse to open, because I don't want to download a virus onto my phone period again, you could have called me on the phone, and we could have very easily had a conversation. Therefore sir, again, I really don't know what else it is that you want from me?
This whole conversation has just become confusing to me, because clearly you're talking about something, that I didn't even read it? I'm not going to open up that late, my apologies again, clearly you're not as tech-savvy as I am, that's why I came at you if I don't want to join your website. Honey I don't do drugs, I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't have any vices. I own my own home, and my car is paid off. I do this for fun, I'm a hobbyist, my whole self being, my food, or my habit does not depend on whether or not you come and tribute to me. The way you speak to me, leads me to believe that you do this more often than you'd care to admit. I am an educated military retiree. You are not for me, and I am not for you.
TG: Ma'am, let me start over again, with the same message, minus a link.
TG: Hello! I'm TG. After reading about an interesting massage technique online, I did some research and found your ad for massage services. I'd like to inquire into your appointment availability and screening requirements.
Provider: I don't understand that? Because I've never even looked at your link? So I don't even understand what it is exactly that you're even asking me for
TG: Message received - stay safe and happy hobbying. I'll inquire elsewhere.
Provider: That would be gratefully appreciated it, I've told you twice that I would really rather that you did that. Clearly we are on two completely different wavelengths, I cater to a certain kind of man, clearly that's not you
FUCK MY LIFE.