Procrastinating
I am sitting with my glass of wine, writing this to myself as much as to anyone. Some of you know me through my posts and will understand where I am coming from, though not the lady I talk about. A few of you have met her and might guess who I am talking about—but please, keep it among those who really know her. I would really prefer no names or guesses.
I know most guys visit this world to fire and forget, and probably never think about a particular lady after their session ends. That is the game, and there is nothing wrong with that. But we are human beings and sometimes—even if we are not looking for it—friendships develop. Short duration ones, casual ones, long lasting ones. Some of the ladies become friends just as people from any other business transaction can become friends.
But even beyond that, there are a few special people who light up the world with their smile. The have a reality about them that transcends an hour. They are open and trusting—more than they should be, but as a gift from the gods to those who treat them well. Not one in a hundred, or one in a thousand, but one in a hundred thousand or more. Men that left this corner of the world a decade before, called her on her birthday. If she is moving half a dozen clients and former clients show up to pack the furniture. Why she chose this business I will never really understand. We have talked about it often, and though she tried to explain it, it transcends my understanding. A woman I would have tried to marry if I were twenty years younger—and I would have been one in a long line who proposed.
She was working to leave the business and move on with her life. She made sacrifices to support people in her family that depended on her—but treated her as trash for how she earned the money to support them. She went back to school to get the knowledge she needed to change careers one last time. I talked with her a week ago and she was happy and upbeat—smiling at the world and it was smiling back. I meant to call her yesterday but I did not. I procrastinated. “I will call her tomorrow.”
Today I received a very different phone call. After many years and several reincarnations, she has left us for good. I was shocked, and admit I cried openly. It will take a long time for me to accept it as real.
The community has lost someone very special. I have lost someone special to me. She will be missed by some here who knew her, and but others who have never heard of this board. What I was going to say to her yesterday I no longer can.
We all have special people in our lives, whether we met them on here or worlds away. Take time to tell them what you need to say while you can. I will go take care of her effects, and some of those she is leaving behind, but with half-hearted enthusiasm and much sorrow.
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