How to maintain a healthy level of insanity in retirement

[Gbfsl]

1.
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at passing cars, and watch 'em slow down!

2.
On all your cheque stubs, write 'For Marijuana'!

3.
Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

4.
Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5.
Sing along at The Opera.

6.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'

7.
When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the Car Park, yelling, 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

8.
Tell your children over dinner: 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go....

9.
PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

10.
Go to a large Department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles
and yell out: “THERE IS NO PAPER IN HERE”!

[tia travels]

And a few more ways when you're NOT in retirement yet.

11. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

12. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

13. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".

14. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

15. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

16. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

17. Dont use any punctuation marks

18. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

19. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

20. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

21. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

24. Dress up like a pilot, go to the airport lounge and get drunk like hell.