Blue Ribbon
A woman had a Great Dane and a rather obese husband. Every afternoon she would curl up on the couch to watch TV, but the dog would always get on the couch with her, fall asleep, and snore obnoxiously. She talked to her friends about this, and one of them said her dog does the same thing. She learned that if you tie a string around his balls, he'll stop snoring.
So the next day, the woman looked for some spare string but could only find some blue ribbon. That afternoon she got on the couch, waited for the dog to fall asleep, and then tied a piece of blue ribbon around his scrotum. Like magic, he stopped snoring!
Late that night, her husband came home stinking of cigars and whiskey. He collapsed on the bed with his clothes still on and immediately began snoring like a hog. The woman was exhausted and annoyed, and she thought hey, if it worked on the dog... So she found a piece of ribbon, red this time, and unzipped his fly, tied it around his balls. And he stopped snoring! She zipped him back up and returned to sleep in peace.
The next morning, the dog woke up her husband to be let outside. But he had to pee, so they went to the toilet. Her husband unzipped and commenced urination. And he saw the red ribbon on his balls. Then he saw the blue ribbon on the dog's balls. He said, "Boy, I don't know what happened last night, but at least we came in first and second place!"
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