I found success and all I gained was depression

[Zabrina Sarafina]

(Sounds like a really bad title of a business tycoon's memoir ...but hey it could sell)


'I find myself facing another one of life's ironies

Spent years of dreaming big with little to no chance of it coming to reality

Then it happened

Life handed it to me

And I don't know what to do with it.'


Yea that's a really bad prelude. Let's start over

But I'm just curious, does the title resonate with any of you?

You spent years of dreaming, planning, scheming, investing, working diligently, patiently, hoping, praying.... and you naturally reaped the reward. But the reward didn't turn out to be what you were thinking, in fact it lifted you so that it left you alienated. You no longer fit in. You try going back, but you can't repeat the past.

You're standing at the gateway of a whole different world, responsibilities, rules, etiquette. You desperately seek the comfort of your safety blanket but it's no longer there.

Here you are

Congratulations people say. While they stay out of your path

Has anyone gone down this road before? Of course I know you have, otherwise I wouldn't be asking

What's the Cure? How did you finally move forward and learn the next steps to take?

How long did it take to get you moving

yada, yada

(your thoughts greatly appreciated)

[thisguy23]

[QUOTE=Zabrina Sarafina;1053760742]

You spent years of dreaming, planning, scheming, investing, working diligently, patiently, hoping, praying.... and you naturally reaped the reward. But the reward didn't turn out to be what you were thinking, in fact it lifted you so that it left you alienated. You no longer fit in. You try going back, but you can't repeat the past.

That's the exact thing that happened to me when I moved out of my parents house when I was 18.

[Priest Beast]

What the hell is this?

[Loxly]

Originally Posted by Zabrina Sarafina

And I don't know what to do with it.'

I'm guessing folks who win multi-million dollar jackpots may be asking themselves the same question. I wouldn't because I have several pet projects for our Veterans that I'd like to see done. Especially since my home study courses for Auto-Tellers at the sperm bank folded.

Perhaps you could redirect some of your gains towards some similar thing that's close to your heart.

Just be careful not to be too generous with what you do.

[Priest Beast]

If money isnt making you happy, or making you feel guilty, I would be happy to make you happy by disposing of it properly.

[cinderbella]

Hi, I think I can identify with this sentiment!

My only child, who I have raised myself ( never married, his father and I remained good friends and he has always been responsible, considerate and helpful) our child I guess, has turned 18 and being an honor student
has received a full scholarship and started college at an excellent university located some hours drive away.

I have everything I ever dreamed of, almost..... Dear friends, perfect adult child, great clientele. I truly have
never been happier or more pleasantly surprised. ( Excellent health as well, cannot forget that!)

My fear and my apprehension is that I must now find a home of my own. Easier said than done. Not easy to
rent, I have pets. Limited in my geographical area, I want to stay close to my main squeeze. Housing market
is picking up and it's not so easy even with cash to buy something.

I dream of buying a fixer upper, something old with good bones that can be renovated. Everything is so expensive. Taking out a mortgage is not an available option. Not sure about owner financing. I wish to
find something I can purchase free and clear. Pie in the sky dream, not so easy to accomplish.

My troubles are nothing compared to some. I like having a simple life. Always dreamt of my own small
castle to manage. Seems to elude me the most.

I once saw a quote that said something to the effect of "What we fear the most is what we are often confronted
with the most"

I say count your blessings and not your sorrows. Nobody can offend you without your permission. Take long
walks and seek solitude. Meditate and seek guidance from that still small voice within.

From what I gather, I am thinking you may be in search of someone to fall in love with. That's perfectly normal
and usually does not occur until you stop looking and love yourself. Easier said than done but that's my .02 cents.

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by cinderbella

Hi, I think I can identify with this sentiment!

My only child, who I have raised myself ( never married, his father and I remained good friends and he has always been responsible, considerate and helpful) our child I guess, has turned 18 and being an honor student
has received a full scholarship and started college at an excellent university located some hours drive away.

I have everything I ever dreamed of, almost..... Dear friends, perfect adult child, great clientele. I truly have
never been happier or more pleasantly surprised. ( Excellent health as well, cannot forget that!)

My fear and my apprehension is that I must now find a home of my own. Easier said than done. Not easy to
rent, I have pets. Limited in my geographical area, I want to stay close to my main squeeze. Housing market
is picking up and it's not so easy even with cash to buy something.

I dream of buying a fixer upper, something old with good bones that can be renovated. Everything is so expensive. Taking out a mortgage is not an available option. Not sure about owner financing. I wish to
find something I can purchase free and clear. Pie in the sky dream, not so easy to accomplish.

My troubles are nothing compared to some. I like having a simple life. Always dreamt of my own small
castle to manage. Seems to elude me the most.

I once saw a quote that said something to the effect of "What we fear the most is what we are often confronted
with the most"

I say count your blessings and not your sorrows. Nobody can offend you without your permission. Take long
walks and seek solitude. Meditate and seek guidance from that still small voice within.

From what I gather, I am thinking you may be in search of someone to fall in love with. That's perfectly normal
and usually does not occur until you stop looking and love yourself. Easier said than done but that's my .02 cents.

Your words really spoke to me, touching Thanks for sharing your story

I like how we all appear to be so different yet all share the same phases in life

I'm not sure if I desire a simple life, as much as I desire a meaningful life, where I feel I'm making a difference and being appreciated for it. As you grow older, your connections with others is what instills life in you. No longer can you remain a child happy in your own narcissistic world. I've been facing growing pains this whole summer long. It's awful.

As for counting your blessings, everything in my life is a miracle. I'm supported and guided by some unseen mysterious force. I like to think I'm in charge but we all have a boss

And I do have love for myself, yet at the same I hold myself to certain standards; and that's also how I treat others. In regards to finding love, I've been told by my closest friends that my standards are too high. That's a good thing .......right?? :P

In the practical wonderful world of finances - finding your ideal home, I think the answers out there but your mind just isn't open/prepared for it. The things closest to your heart always take time to manifest, but they always do. My dilemma is when I get what I want, I lose interest as I have already conquered it. And I always have to keep moving on... Zabrina the Conquistador

There is no settling down, when there's always more

[Jewish Lawyer]

That's my problem, Zabrina. I see a girl I want to have sex with, conquer if you will, and I have to have her. I do all I can to get her, and enjoy it immensely. Then, I'm ready to move on to the next girl. Obviously, this hobby of mine (ours?) helps to satisfy that, but it is on some level disconcerting - how do you feel about that?

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by Jewish Lawyer

That's my problem, Zabrina. I see a girl I want to have sex with, conquer if you will, and I have to have her. I do all I can to get her, and enjoy it immensely. Then, I'm ready to move on to the next girl. Obviously, this hobby of mine (ours?) helps to satisfy that, but it is on some level disconcerting - how do you feel about that?

Being that I possess the Don Juan complex myself in every way of life....

I say roll with it

[mm-good]

Originally Posted by Zabrina Sarafina

Being that I possess the Don Juan complex myself in every way of life....

I say roll with it

I have wrestled with this for quite some time ( also in every way of life..)
Seems this is truly a case of the "journey" being the source of joy and "arriving" simply is not satisfying...

Here is to a multitude of journeys for your soul!

[Zabrina Sarafina]

Originally Posted by mm-good

I have wrestled with this for quite some time ( also in every way of life..)
Seems this is truly a case of the "journey" being the source of joy and "arriving" simply is not satisfying...

Here is to a multitude of journeys for your soul!

Thank you...

[Theforbiddenfruit]

Thank you for starting this thread. I have been struggling A LOT recently with this secret life for so many different reasons. I was going to quit for good around a month ago, but realized I still had bills to pay!!

There's so many pros to this career; financial success, you decide how many hours a week you want to work, you can spend time with your family, clean house during day when not working etc..

I have more nice material things than I've ever had. I was proud of myself bc I was able to get a beautiful home, furnishings, all the clothes my family wants, vacations, dinners etc. I was proud bc I was working and being successful on my own, and not just marrying a man and depending on him for his money. Although I could make even more money than I do, I make a comfortable income.

However, my secret lifestyle was effecting how I look at relationships, friendships, forever love, not trusting ANYONE in this business and even in real life. Although I screen, I was always nervous (scared for my safety or le) on my first visit. I know there are people that know I do this that I don't know they know. I know that all of you guys aren't as discreet ab this hobby as you all like to pretend you are. Someone ratted me out in HIS business as to what I do after seeing him (I wasn't aware where he worked and after showing up he decided it would be ok to show his colleagues). I also don't like that anytime I've ever given an honest reference for a past client, it has always been repeated by that provider what I said. I don't like that people talk ab who they saw and when and details ab the meeting (other than giving references or what's in the review).

I luckily have found someone that cares for me and taking care of all my financial needs at the current time where all I have to do is go to my real job and see only my closest regulars.

As I've expressed before, there's just too many negative consequences that can affect my life than I think the money is worth.

That being said, I do not see anything wrong w being an escort in the sense of trading mulah for services. People are too quick to judge the ladies.

I hope that my guy friends know that I'm not talking to them, but I'm pretty much fed up putting up w guys demands, criticism, and drama just so I can live the "American dream". Like someone stated earlier, all I really want is a happy family and for my children to be fair, kind-hearted, and spiritually rounded.