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03-09-2013, 09:29 AM
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#1
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Usually On the road again
Join Date: Dec 18, 2009
Location: On the Move
Posts: 1,384
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A different point of view
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights
work?
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| 2 users liked this post
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03-10-2013, 11:32 AM
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#2
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Let's Have A Great Year!
User ID: 1650
Join Date: Jul 28, 2009
Location: Indianapolis & Touring
Posts: 10,589
My ECCIE Reviews
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You're always good for some laughs.
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Quote
| 1 user liked this post
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03-10-2013, 02:59 PM
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#3
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Usually On the road again
Join Date: Dec 18, 2009
Location: On the Move
Posts: 1,384
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Thanks Tia...but why do so many women tell me that???
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Quote
| 1 user liked this post
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03-10-2013, 03:17 PM
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#4
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Jun 12, 2011
Location: Olathe
Posts: 16,815
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1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Do your killing aftwards like Obama did.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
Half the people that know you are above average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
or a coma.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
Your hand? I want that pretty young thing to raise my....she did it.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Dark is an absence of light, the number will be a negative.
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Become a Walker?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made
your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Don't take up skydiving.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.
BREAD!!!! <<<victim of a carb free diet. Butter!!! <<<victim of the other diet.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
it.
Ever get a mammogram or checked for testicular cancer?
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights
work?
Did Steven Wright ever have any children?
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Quote
| 1 user liked this post
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