What Would You Do?

[Yourprivatedr]

My best friend's son recently got married about three months ago. They had dated for about eight months, during that time everything seemed normal and they did all the things that all people do while dating with no hints of anything out of the ordinary. Well about two weeks ago he discovered that the person that he married had a gender change operation. It really broke his heart and made him question himself. I wonder what would others do if faced with the same problem.

[hogfan4201]

First thing I’d do is try to figure out why the heck they didn’t share this little detail with me for 8 months of dating and 3 months of marriage. After that I honestly don’t know because there would be waaaaaayyyy to many details and factors to consider. I’d say it would be very difficult to stay married though considering the level of deception that had occurred

[Yourprivatedr]

Thanks for your input hogfan4201 we'll I'm at a loss myself I guess the only things that would have raised a red flag is the mom's and the fact that they couldn't have children. According to him everything functioned and felt like any other normal female. Of course these days a lot of females have mom's and can't have children.

[FatCity]

Originally Posted by Yourprivatedr

Well about two weeks ago he discovered that the person that he married had a gender change operation. .

[Sandy]

Sounds like a great of Wack-fuck

[austin88998833]

Originally Posted by FatCity

That’s probably one of the more intelligent looks for that goofball!!

On a more somber note, I don’t see how one could stay married for the long term after that level of deception. That’s not something that you overlook bringing up, or erase from your memory bc it’s too traumatic to remember. That shit happened and she/he/it made a conscious choice to have that surgery. But ultimately it will be up to the young man to decide whether he can continue to move forward.

[BK]

Hopefully they married due to being in love. Being in love with a person shouldn’t be determined by what their former biological gender was. But it should have been revealed long before the I Do.

[hogfan4201]

To me the biggest thing going forward, assuming he doesn’t have any issue(s) with his wife being transsexual and fully gender reassigned, would be the deception and difficulty establishing trust. It’s certainly not impossible but it’s gonna be extremely difficult. Combine that with all the other things that will have to be dealt with, like him wanting children, that will be potential issues. I would be seeking professional counseling because it’s gonna be tough no matter what

[eccieuser13]

As far as deception goes, it makes matters more complicated based on whether he was biologically male or female. Maybe he married someone he thought was a he; maybe he married someone he thought was a she. If he wanted kids, that's definitely a deceptive move.

If we lived in an accepting world, we wouldn't be as motivated to not tell people important details like this. This is probably considered a gray area. Personally, I would want the person to know, because if they had a problem with it, they wouldn't truly love the person they married; the marriage would be based on an idealized version of their partner. True love is accepting people as they are... not putting up with people's bad habits, their lies, their disrespect, etc. It's saying, I realize you may have been born with this, you may not like what I like on TV, you don't like my guitar-playing, but I still love you.

Being upfront and honest would have been a test of love. He/She should have told them and been open to the response, good or bad. Love and trust go hand in hand. They probably stand little chance now because the heart closes very fast after trust is broken.

[tuckahoe]

I would get away from it yesterday. I remember a story of a guy that thought he was marrying a woman, and found out different. He took his own life after realizing how he had been deceived.

[wantnsomeinar]

Originally Posted by BK

Hopefully they married due to being in love. Being in love with a person shouldn’t be determined by what their former biological gender was. But it should have been revealed long before the I Do.

Complete deception, the whole relationship is based on that omission of a fact. If they had disclosed it early on and he was good with it then wish them all the happiness in the world. It wasn't though. Sounds like grounds for divorce.

[hogfan4201]

Absolutely grounds for divorce, which would be the likely outcome if it were me. I was trying to point out the enormous obstacles if the decision was made to try to work it out, and that was based on personal experience. Despite my circumstances, I decided to try to work it out and that has been the right decision for me even though it hasn’t been easy at all. In this case, for me personally, the deception would be too much given that I’d be married and intimate with a biological male, which is one thing if it’s known up front and I’m making a fully informed decision to pursue the relationship, but finding out in this manner would be too much of a hurdle for me

[Yourprivatedr]

Thank you guys for so many great responses.

[Hatty242]

I honestly don't know why he would care. He dated her for months, was married for months, is in love with her. So what if she had her "outy" removed and replaced with an "innie". She must be pretty hot, that's all I can say.