Man Jokes (for the ladies)
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Why did Moses wander the desert for forty years?
A: He wouldn't ask for directions
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.
Q: What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A: A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.
----A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.
-------So God calls to Adam and says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?" Adam replies, "The good news." God answers, "Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."Then Adam says, "OK, so what's the bad news?" And God says, "I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."
-------One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
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