A question regarding open relationships and dating

[j1producer]

So I’m a 32yo white male, and my life situation has put me in the odd position of having to date but stay married. My wife is my best friend but due to cancer I am unable to have a sexual relationship with her any longer. So we are in this “open marriage” situation that I am completely unprepared for. I used to participate in the hobby to fulfill my human desires, but the cost of chemo has driven me to the point that I can’t afford to regularly participate. So my question is, where do people in open relationships meet these days? Any person I know in real life can’t fathom an open relationship and how it works. I don’t like putting my wife’s condition out to the real world because it embarrasses her since she works so hard to not let people know that she’s stage 4 terminal. So how do I discreetly meet a woman open to dating a happily married man? A broke, happily married man with a dying wife at that. Any advice is welcome.

[Britttany_love]

So sorry to hear about your wife that's heartbreaking.

Maybe try a dating site like POF, Okcupid or tinder since you are not looking for a professional date or pay for play.

[Parsifal]

My deepest sympathy for you and your wife’s condition; that is about as tough as it gets.

Sadly, I don’t have much in the way of advice other than this - this board and others like it are probably the last place you’ll find any answers to what you’re looking for.

The hobby is many things to many people, but always involves pay for play. Any answer you’d find here would likely be influenced and tinted by that prism, and therefore probably wouldn’t do much good.

Best advice I can offer - be honest with whomever you want to date about your situation and make sure to keep your emphasis on your wife/family while she’s still with you. Anyone that doesn’t understand you having that emphasis isn’t someone you should have in your life, anyway.

I wish you the best, and again I’m very sorry for your wife’s current state.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by j1producer

So I’m a 32yo white male, and my life situation has put me in the odd position of having to date but stay married. My wife is my best friend but due to cancer I am unable to have a sexual relationship with her any longer. So we are in this “open marriage” situation that I am completely unprepared for. I used to participate in the hobby to fulfill my human desires, but the cost of chemo has driven me to the point that I can’t afford to regularly participate. So my question is, where do people in open relationships meet these days? Any person I know in real life can’t fathom an open relationship and how it works. I don’t like putting my wife’s condition out to the real world because it embarrasses her since she works so hard to not let people know that she’s stage 4 terminal. So how do I discreetly meet a woman open to dating a happily married man? A broke, happily married man with a dying wife at that. Any advice is welcome.

Perhaps you should consider divorcing your wife?

Unemployed and single she may qualify for medicaid to cover her needed treatments.

You would also put yourself into a more desirable dating pool and possibly separate yourself from future financial distress.

If there is life insurance and you are the beneficiary you may find a woman that sees some future potential in pairing up with you.

There are also organizations that, provided the outlook for your wife's departure, may purchase the life insurance policy proceeds providing you with needed funds.

[bjarnibear]

I wonder if you should find a group of people in like situation with their spouse. Surely there are women on the opposite side of things who may also need some physical release, especially with someone who understands their situation.

[sue_nami]

facebook and fetlife both have very active Austin poly communities. I recommend just tell future poly playmates the truth (limited for your wife's privacy) and you will find many sane, sympathetic and interesting people you can meet for free at weekly meet and greets. join local communities, whether it's musical, religious, art, kink, poly, whatever interests you and make a support system of friends that can help you out emotionally and with hook ups (personal introductions by friends are the best source as they know both parties). good luck hun and hope this helps.

[HunterGrace]

Harsh, Whispers. Harsh. Reminds me of Louis CK and his "of course, but maybe"

[Mr Peabody]

sorry bro, it looks like none of the ladies are falling for your story.



Maybe you can make a deal with Little Monster. He might be willing to fund your exploits if he can have his way with your wife after she passes.

[RetiredNinja]

If I was married and my wife and best friend didn't have all that much time left I know where I'd be spending mine.

[Britttany_love]

Originally Posted by RetiredNinja

If I was married and my wife and best friend didn't have all that much time left I know where I'd be spending mine.

Yessssssss!!!!

[ATF Hobby]

First off, sadness is all I feel when I hear something like that.

Second, airing something of that nature in a general forum on a board of this nature, not the most rational.

Again, just my opinion and hope you find what you need.

[The Lawn Boy]

Any dude that plays under those circumstances and any prostitute that sees a dude under those circumstances is a terrible human being and will not go to heaven.

[knotty man]

Have you considered cruising the cemeteries. Many ladies there in the same situation.
Plus it gives you a great opening line.
" Damn girl, you so fine I'll bet you fucked him TO DEATH !!

[He_bangs_her]

Normally I would tell anybody that is exploring open marriage situation not to do it. It ruined my marriage and it is now beyond reconciliation. But if your situation is true then there are many poly groups here in ATX. Swinging groups are a bust since single guys are rarely welcomed. I would help you but I’m still hurting emotionally about my marriage and I do not want to reopen those wounds.

Bro just be with your wife and live out her last days peacefully. It’s shit sandwich you must endure. Unless your an ATM for providers you’re not gonna get anywhere here otherwise.

Sorry.

[jimmy jump]

^^^ Agreed! Live out the time you have with her. No matter what she says about an open agreement, she is being selfless for you because of inability, not because she really wants that. If the roles were reversed, I’d bet you’d want her there for you. And you too would probably say the same, but probably not really want that if it were reversed.