Hobby Wisdom From Captain Miserable?
Check out these quotes from Dave Atell
ON WHETHER TO BRING SMALL GIFTS TO A BCD GFE:
"I don't know much about women, but I can promise you this, they tend to like flowers more than a kick in the cooch."
ON THE AMOUNT OF HAND ACTION TO USE DURING A BLOWJOB:
"A vicious HJ makes a guy feel like your trying to pull a better looking guy out of me. I'm sorry ladies, but I didn't swallow Patrick Dempsey."
ON MENU ACRONYM ETIQUETTE
"Do you prefer that we refer to it as a blowjob, or makin' throat babbies?
ON BODY ART
"Ladies, you really need to give us a warning if you are into piercings. When you go down on a woman and are surprised to find hardware, well it is like biting into the world's best corned beef sandwich and finding a washer."
ON THE IDEAL SESSION
"The penis is idiot proof. Come on ladies, when was the last time you encountered a dick and were stymied? It is all the same. Just like a riding lawn mower. Sit on it and go around in small circles until it runs out of gas. Or even better, suck, suck, lick, slobber, pretend to gag so I think I am huge, then lick, nibble suck and. . .get ready for the George Clooney juice. After that well I don't care what you do after that, especially if you make me a sandwich before you do it.
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