Can one really love their spouse and hobby?

[Sparafucile]

i have a cohort who, appears to be happily married "with" kids. Now I am not an expert in coming to conclusions but this guys ring comes off every time he takes a long lunch and he comes back looking flustered. I have even seen hobby sites up on his phone while he stepped away. This guy genuinely seems to love his family and I am not aware of any marital issues. He's actually the kind of guy who mentions his wife a lot (in a good way) and he seems to be always doing something for her. I can't imagine the ethical and moral dilemma this guy must go through. However, I may be wrong and this is completely not the case. But this leads me to my question, can a guy genuinely love his wife and partake in the hobby? I am interested in hearing from hobbyist and providers alike.

[VictoriaLyn]

Yes...there is a huge line between love and sex..they dont always go hand in hand

[zipster]

YES!!

[Sparafucile]

But if the spouse could potentially be hurt, intrinsically, buy "just sex" and the husband partakes in it anyway, could that genuinely be considered love?

[SamanthaFoxx]

Men have this urge to roam. I don't think it's in their blueprint to be faithful. But I think he loves her. He just might not get what he's needing at home sexually or he likes to sample different honey pots.
I believe a man or woman can love more than one person at a time too.

[Guest110416]

That is truly a deep riveting, and thought provoking subject, there is no clear cut right or wrong answers and opinions vary, many drastically, especially depending on the status of the relationship in the marriage. I have a few opinions on the question of if a man loves his wife who sees providers on the side:

Opinion A: Yes, he loves his wife wholeheartedly and does not want to do anything to hurt her or his family, so he discreetly sees escorts HOPING to get the fulfillment of sexual satisfaction and without the YMMV card and other drama of a relationship. He wants the part of the relationship that his wife cannot/will not to do for him to make him feel complete.

Opinion B: Yes, he loves his wife, but perhaps the vim and vigor has been lost with time and/or other factors and wants to feel that sense of completeness by having his cake and eating it too.

Opinion C: No, he does not love his wife, but stays together for the kids sake so obviously, their is no sex in the marriage.

Opinion D: If he sees escorts for sex, he cannot be in love with his wife because if he were, then the best sex that he would have would be the sex he gets from her due to his love and affection for her and he would not stray.

There are many others, but these four are the ones I have.

[Kayleehotchick]

One word: Yes.

Love and sex are two different things.

Besides, it's really not in our nature just to have sex with just one person anyway.

[pyramider]

If the fucktard does not have a permission slip from his wife that grants him permission to hobby then should keep his pants on, and zipped up.

[Sparafucile]

Originally Posted by pyramider

If the fucktard does not have a permission slip from his wife that grants him permission to hobby then should keep his pants on, and zipped up.

Agreed, if she finds out, there's potential for multiple lives to be impacted (including the children). I wouldn't want to risk all that for a cheap thrill with a hooker who could care less about myself and well being as opposed to my pocketbook. That's my thought on it, the fact that one would risk so much would make me question his love for his wife and, by extension, family. I feel bad for his wife because she's a really nice lady (I also want to fuck her as well, but, then again, I'm just an all around terrible person).

[Chung Tran]

Originally Posted by Sparafucile

the fact that one would risk so much would make me question his love for his wife and, by extension, family.

that is too neat a summary... skydivers, auto racers, over-eaters, smokers... we all risk our health and lives someway.. I could go on a tangent and say if you don't love God, how can you love your wife and children? then we could debate what loving God really means.

all you have is circumstantial evidence that he even hobbies.. you don't know the level of risk he is taking, and you are in no position at all to question the love he may have for his wife..

[Sparafucile]

Originally Posted by Chung Tran

that is too neat a summary... skydivers, auto racers, over-eaters, smokers... we all risk our health and lives someway.. I could go on a tangent and say if you don't love God, how can you love your wife and children? then we could debate what loving God really means.

all you have is circumstantial evidence that he even hobbies.. you don't know the level of risk he is taking, and you are in no position at all to question the love he may have for his wife..

You are absolutely correct, I have no idea what "he" is doing, this is why I referred to "one" as opposed to "he". As I said, I am a terrible person so I don't make judgements, however I do make observations and conclude based on said observations. This is just an assessment coming from a subjective standpoint so it isn't meant to be viewed as inerrant. Although I am using his example, I am in no way passing judgment on him or anyone else. It's not a matter of God or anything like that. I purely want to analyze what people think about the situation and not the person. How love is viewed by people in the community.

However, after a second look I do see where one could draw the conclusion that I am questioning what's in this guys heart based on the way I worded it. That was my mistake and I apologize for any confusion it may have caused.

[Chung Tran]

more on the subject.. "outside" sex is just one behavior that can be viewed as detrimental to a marriage.. your wife may think you spend too much money, buy the wrong things, don't help her clean house, work too much or hang out with the boys too often.. many things can fracture a perfect marriage, but marriage is an eternal bond.. or should be.. point being, the outside sex is just one of many things, so why single that out as more important, or as an item that is a death-punch that indicates love is not present?

[Fawlty]

Can one really love their spouse and hobby?

The loaded word "really'" in your question makes it difficult to answer because it begs so many more questions (i.e., how do you define love, is love an emotion or action, can one break a marriage vow of love and still love?). Those examples just scratch the surface.

Most of us endorse the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How does this correlate with the question asked by the OP? With all that in mind I can think of scenarios where I can say, "yes, one can really love their spouse and hobby."

With gracious presumption I take at face value statements by hobbyists that they love their wives; I do not judge them. However, I'm not so naive to think that all their reasons for cheating coincide with love as I perceive it. Human nature tells me that rationalization is often used to justify cheating.

[Sparafucile]

Originally Posted by Fawlty

[B]Can one really I can think of scenarios where I can say, "yes, one can really love their spouse and hobby."

Tell me more Fawlty!

[Fawlty]

Originally Posted by Sparafucile

Tell me more Fawlty!

Hell, what do I know about love? I've been divorced for over 20 years. I'm over 30 grand invested in this hobby and haven't found true love yet, lol.

Edit: I posted before finishing. One obvious scenario is a guy who hobbies with his wife's permission. Also, a wife may not be fullfilling her commitment to the marriage by refusing sex. A wife may have a medical condition that causes her pain to engage in intercourse. Deception may be warranted in some instances, but to me that is rare and is a tragedy. A person can love and not love perfectly. We all are flawed. Hope that helps, Sparafucile.