It is what me and other tech people have deal with:
o Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
o Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
o Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
I used to work in the computer help desk at a large university. A woman walked into the room and came up to where I was sitting: at a desk marked "COMPUTER HELP DESK" with computers on it, one of which I was using. "Excuse me," she asked. "Do you know anything about computers?"
- Tech Support: "Ok, ma'am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del."
- Customer: "How do I do that?"
- Tech Support: "Push and hold 'ctrl' and 'alt' at the same time, and then hit 'delete'."
- Customer: "Where are those?"
- Tech Support: (explains the location of the keys)
- Customer: "Nothing happened."
- Tech Support: "Try again."
- Customer: "Still nothing."
A minute or two later....- Customer: "Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?"
- Tech Support: "Yeah, it might."
- Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
- Customer: "When I change my font sizes, the letters change size."
Tech Support: "No, sir...clicking on 'Remember Password' will NOT help you remember your password."- Him: "Can you answer a question?"
- Me: "Sure."
- Him: "See the recycle bin? Does someone come round and empty it?"
- Tech Support: "Ok, click on 'Start,' click on 'Programs,' and then click on 'MS-DOS Prompt.'"
- Customer: "Right."
- Tech Support: "Ok, you should now have a black screen."
- Customer: "Uhm." (sound of hand covering mouthpiece) "Cheryl, is this screen black??"
- Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
- Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
- Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
- Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"
- Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
- Customer: "A white one."
- Tech Support: "Up at the top it says File, Edit, and View. What does it say just to the right of View?"
- Customer: "Edit."
- Tech Support: "No, to the right of View."
- Customer: "Edit."
- Tech Support: "Ok, what's on the other side of View?"
- Customer: "Oh, Tools."
- Tech Support: "Click your left mouse button."
- Customer: "Which one is that?"
- Tech Support: "Well, you know your left from your right, so click the button on your left."
- Customer: "Oh."
- Tech Support: "What happened?"
- Customer: "Nothing."
- Tech Support: "You did click the left mouse button?"
- Customer: "I think so."
- Tech Support: "The one on your left?"
- Customer: "Which one was that again?"
Customer: "How long is the 15 foot ethernet cable?" - Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
- Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
- Customer: "I can't open the box."
- Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
- Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
- Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer."
- Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."
For reasons too involved and irrelevant to explain, a friend of mine had possession had a copy of a nasty program on a floppy. It would erase the entire hard drive of whatever computer it was loaded on. The floppy was labelled "INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS" and kept in a locked box at his store.
One day, a man he had hired to work at the store found it and popped it into the company's computer and turned it on. Wouldn't you know it -- the hard drive was erased.
His explanation was, "I wanted to see what it would do."
Customer: “My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.” Advisor: “Has he forgotten it?” Customer: “No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.”
Advisor: “You have spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.” Customer: “Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?”
Another customer called tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
A confused caller was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find the printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!
Tech Support Question and problems
