Stimulus Money Spent on Study of . . . Stimulation

[CuteOldGuy]

Well, at least all of the stimulus money wasn't wasted. Here are two stimulus grants provided to groups to study erectile dysfunction and the taking of sexual histories.

Conclusion: Fat guys who lose weight have better erections.

Thank God for that information! Mr. President, you have done well.

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/investigat...151195105.html

[Guest123018-4]

Don't forget the money that went to Africa to teach them how to wash their dicks after sex.

[i'va biggen]

they asked me once what I did to get the wife hot.
wiping my dick on the drapes after sex ,seemed to do it.

[CuteOldGuy]

So, Obamaniacs, is this what you were expecting from the "stimulus" bill? And you think we need another one?

I'd like a grant to study the health benefits of doughnuts. I think I could get one.

[Gotyour6]

If no one’s in a mall, do they notice the geothermal energy?

• $5 million to create a geothermal energy system for the Oak Ridge City Center shopping mall in Oak Ridge, Tenn. From TheHill.com, “The main problem, says Republicans, is the fact the mall has been losing tenants for years and is mostly empty.”
• $9.38 million to renovate a century-old train depot in Lancaster County, Pa., that has not been used for three decades

Puppet terror!

• $100,000 for socially conscious puppet shows in Minnesota
• $2 million to build a replica railroad tourist attraction in Carson City, Nevada
• $462,000 to purchase 22 concrete toilets for use in the Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri
• $3.1 million to transform a canal barge into a floating museum that will travel the Erie Canal in New York

Why did the turtle cross the road?

• $3.4 million to create an underground turtle tunnel, or eco-passage, in Lake Jackson, Florida. We love turtles and don’t want them to get smashed by traffic. However, when your government spending plan involves jokes like, “Why did the turtle cross the road? To get more stimulus money,” you can pretty much guess there’s a problem.
• $1 million to study the health effects of environmentally friendly public housing on 300 people in Chicago. I bet those 300 people would rather split the million and get out of public housing all together.
• $983,952 for street beautification in Ann Arbor, Mich., including decorative lighting, trees, benches and bike paths
• $1 million for Portland, Ore., to replace 100 aging bike lockers and build a garage that would house 250 bicycles. I think Portland’s bike programs are fantastic. I also think that it is possible to find cheaper ways to store bicycles.
• $700,000 to Oregon crab fishermen to help recover lost crab post. You would think for that much money they could just go buy new ones.
• $1.5 billion for a Carbon Capturing Contest
• $300,000 for a GPS-equipped helicopter to hunt for radioactive rabbit droppings at the Hanford nuclear reservation in Washington state

Reefer madness

• SUNY Buffalo received $390,000 to study young adults who drink malt liquor and smoke marijuana. Of course if they had used that money to pay for more kids to go to school they would have less people to study.
• Washington State University got $148,438 to analyze the use of marijuana in conjunction with medications like morphine. Both of these studies will probably one day be used in the fight for marijuana decriminalization.

This article paid for by stimulus money.

• In rural Wisconsin, 37 little-used bridges are receiving $15.8 million in stimulus funds. According to the Milwaukee Wisconsin Journal Sentinel, “The 37 bridges average 568 vehicles a day.” Some of these bridges see less than ten cars a day.
• Montana received $2.2 million to install skylights in their state-run liquor warehouse.
• The $800,000 given to John Murtha Airport to repave a back runway has pissed off many, many people—myself included. This airport services a whopping 20 passengers a day and has, over the past decade, already received millions in federal funds. Representative John Murtha treats this as his private airport and has spared no expense, too bad the money isn’t his but ours.
• $1 million was given to a Chicago dinner cruise company to “combat terrorism”
• The Coast Guard gets $572 million to create 1,235 new jobs. This comes to $460,000 per job.
• Here are two things that should have been paid for privately: $30 million for a spring training baseball complex for the Arizona Diamondbacks and Colorado Rockies and $11 million for Microsoft to build a bridge connecting its two headquarter campuses in Redmond, Wash., which are separated by a highway. Instead of taking our money, why isn’t Bill Gates helping with a solution?
• $1.15 million to install a guardrail for a persistently dry lake bed in Guymon, Okla.
• $2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased
• $6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.
• And, of course, every project gets its own $300 road sign claiming: “This project was paid for by stimulus money.”

Sources: Wall Street Journal, Washington Examiner, LA Times, Milwaukee Wisconsin Journal Sentinel

[Texas Contrarian]

Fat guys might have better erectile function after losing weight?

Geez...who could have known? Glad we devoted some federal dollars to that critical piece of research.

I sometimes fly in and out of a Texas Hill Country airport owned by a small town of less than 10,000 population. A couple of years ago, the manager was reportedly notified that they were due to receive almost a million dollars of "stimulus money." Since the runway had been resurfaced only a year or so earlier, he had no idea what they were going to spend it on. Chances are it just sat around for a while and filled in a few local budget gaps here and there. Whether it actually "stimulated" any useful economic activity is obviously very doubtful.

[CuteOldGuy]

It's not just government. I just had a $5,000 blood test done. (I sure as hell didn't know it was 5K when I got it!) I know the blood work is going to say I need to exercise, lose weight and quit smoking.

My wife tells me that daily for free.

[joe bloe]

Originally Posted by CaptainMidnight

Fat guys might have better erectile function after losing weight?

Geez...who could have known? Glad we devoted some federal dollars to that critical piece of research.

I sometimes fly in and out of a Texas Hill Country airport owned by a small town of less than 10,000 population. A couple of years ago, the manager was reportedly notified that they were due to receive almost a million dollars of "stimulus money." Since the runway had been resurfaced only a year or so earlier, he had no idea what they were going to spend it on. Chances are it just sat around for a while and filled in a few local budget gaps here and there. Whether it actually "stimulated" any useful economic activity is obviously very doubtful.

The connection between body fat and erectile disfunction is sort of interesting. The connection is due to the fact that body fat turns testosterone into estrogen. The fatter a man gets, the lower the testosterone. Lowering testosterone makes muscles atrophy and makes you get fatter. It becomes a viscous cycle.

Why on Earth, we need to spend money to prove something that's been known for decades is beyond me.

[CuteOldGuy]

Because it stimulates the economy and creates jobs. Geez, Joe, don't you know anything?!

[joe bloe]

Originally Posted by CuteOldGuy

Because it stimulates the economy and creates jobs. Geez, Joe, don't you know anything?!

All we need for full employment is two more government agencies. One agency hires half the unemployed people to dig holes. The other agency hires the other half to fill them in. Bingo, full emploment!