I don't fall in love. I fall in obsession

[Aphrodite]

I just read an article (tonight) about what mistresses do that wives don't. It was written to the wives as a gentle 'smack upside the head'.
I am sometimes...ok, oft times clueless about reading a man in the 'dating/attraction' world. Geez...ok, I find myself googling info on crap like'how to know he is into you'...as that is the...hmmm...emotional aspect of a deeper attraction.

On the other hand...if I were giving a seminar or writing the book on how to 'affair proof your marriage'. I would cut straight to the following:

1) Don't treat your guy like a gf - save the drama for...your gf's.
2) don't expect men to think like a woman - go get a gay guy pal who will tell you, " Yes, you look horrible in that dress" because he doesn't worry about you cutting him off, sexually.
3) if your hubby makes an attempt to please you - don't cut him down or critique how he did. BE GRACIOUS. If a man has the idea of trying to please you (making dinner, flowers, a gift) then don't shred his ego while also making him second guess his ability to please you.
4) don't cut him off sexually and expect him to thank you so he can channel all that sexual energy/drive into meditation and finding his 'higher self'
5) women's sex drive is most often tied to: your hormones, having your spirit wounded by your spouse, being abused sexually or physically/emotionally, depression/fatigue or religious oppression. (Not all inclusive list, btw)...
So, if it is pms/post-partum/menopausal -research the options. If your husband did do something to wound your heart/spirit(guys, please consider this) then tell your SO the truth and explain how he needs to make it right. If you are the victim of abuse...get therapy and realize you are not damaged goods and ALL men are not jerks. If you recognize the last...again therapy, anti-depressants and perhaps a willingness to offer sexual pleasure for your hubby if is willing to offer you options such as, child care, a massage, a blessed nap, dinner out, etc.,
6) men need to know they are appreciated, affirmed and to be allowed to be men (testosterone driven) in how they process thoughts, perform and produce, in the world. If you show disdain or roll your eyes - then you will run the risk of crushing HIS spirit.
7) watch little boys as they yell for their moms to watch them ride a bike or jump off a diving board...and you might find your grown man needs that same praise or attention. This isn't intended as a put- down of men, but rather to acknowledge their desire to please the women who celebrate his masculinity.

It took me MANY years to get this and what an eye opener to realize were not sex crazed jerks. Rather, they are (refreshingly) NOT women and will lasso the moon for a woman who atleast tries to 'get' his mind, heart and sexual needs.

All that to say that...if more wives/gf's got it - we P4P companions would be out of a job.
Yet, if it is considered the world's oldest profession, then I guess there will always be women who don't get it or want to get it.

Personally, I struggle between being the 'other woman' if but for an hour....and yes, there are too many times in which I feel my heart strings go "plonk!" with a certain kiss, a look of desire or his backstory. My first inclination is to give him info on how to turn things around, at home and if not...I (and thousands of aware women) am there waiting.

Now, back to google to research 'how to tell if he really likes you or sees you as a booty call' lol. *shaking my head*

Aphrodite - whimsically trying to figure it ALL out...

[Ed Highlight]

Originally Posted by Aphrodite

I just read an article (tonight) about what mistresses do that wives don't......Now, back to google to research 'how to tell if he really likes you or sees you as a booty call' lol. *shaking my head*

Aphrodite - whimsically trying to figure it ALL out...

Good luck with that!!

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by Aphrodite

I just read an article (tonight) about what mistresses do that wives don't. It was written to the wives as a gentle 'smack upside the head'.
I am sometimes...ok, oft times clueless about reading a man in the 'dating/attraction' world. Geez...ok, I find myself googling info on crap like'how to know he is into you'...as that is the...hmmm...emotional aspect of a deeper attraction.

On the other hand...if I were giving a seminar or writing the book on how to 'affair proof your marriage'. I would cut straight to the following:

1) Don't treat your guy like a gf - save the drama for...your gf's.
2) don't expect men to think like a woman - go get a gay guy pal who will tell you, " Yes, you look horrible in that dress" because he doesn't worry about you cutting him off, sexually.
3) if your hubby makes an attempt to please you - don't cut him down or critique how he did. BE GRACIOUS. If a man has the idea of trying to please you (making dinner, flowers, a gift) then don't shred his ego while also making him second guess his ability to please you.
4) don't cut him off sexually and expect him to thank you so he can channel all that sexual energy/drive into meditation and finding his 'higher self'
5) women's sex drive is most often tied to: your hormones, having your spirit wounded by your spouse, being abused sexually or physically/emotionally, depression/fatigue or religious oppression. (Not all inclusive list, btw)...
So, if it is pms/post-partum/menopausal -research the options. If your husband did do something to wound your heart/spirit(guys, please consider this) then tell your SO the truth and explain how he needs to make it right. If you are the victim of abuse...get therapy and realize you are not damaged goods and ALL men are not jerks. If you recognize the last...again therapy, anti-depressants and perhaps a willingness to offer sexual pleasure for your hubby if is willing to offer you options such as, child care, a massage, a blessed nap, dinner out, etc.,
6) men need to know they are appreciated, affirmed and to be allowed to be men (testosterone driven) in how they process thoughts, perform and produce, in the world. If you show disdain or roll your eyes - then you will run the risk of crushing HIS spirit.
7) watch little boys as they yell for their moms to watch them ride a bike or jump off a diving board...and you might find your grown man needs that same praise or attention. This isn't intended as a put- down of men, but rather to acknowledge their desire to please the women who celebrate his masculinity.

It took me MANY years to get this and what an eye opener to realize were not sex crazed jerks. Rather, they are (refreshingly) NOT women and will lasso the moon for a woman who atleast tries to 'get' his mind, heart and sexual needs.

All that to say that...if more wives/gf's got it - we P4P companions would be out of a job.
Yet, if it is considered the world's oldest profession, then I guess there will always be women who don't get it or want to get it.

Personally, I struggle between being the 'other woman' if but for an hour....and yes, there are too many times in which I feel my heart strings go "plonk!" with a certain kiss, a look of desire or his backstory. My first inclination is to give him info on how to turn things around, at home and if not...I (and thousands of aware women) am there waiting.

Now, back to google to research 'how to tell if he really likes you or sees you as a booty call' lol. *shaking my head*

Aphrodite - whimsically trying to figure it ALL out...

Last year icky had several butthurt wives and SOs catch the fucktard in their lives. The following is from a PSA I wrote a while back for the wives, girlfriends and SOs of the hobbyist:

"This is a Public Service Announcement for the wives, girlfriends, and future exes of the members of the hobby.

You are now discovering that your soon to be ex husband/boyfriend has been playing around with others. I know you will be hurt by this discovery. You will lash out at the ladies of icky and other SHMBs. You will be calling the them cumsluts, whores, tramps, harlots, jezebels, etc.

There is really no need for that behavior. You need to focus your attention on you. What are you going to do? How are you going to confront your soon to be ex? Are you willing to let him weasel out of the mess "he" created? Why did this happen? How did this happen?

Let us focus on the last two questions: Why and How. Even the best relationships are difficult to maintain over the years with both parties contributing. But things happen. Things change.

If you look in the mirror a lot of it comes back to you. If you played the role of cumslut, whore, tramp, etc in your relationship and kept your soon to be ex sated you would not be looking here. Had you had sucked and fucked him several times a week, and I am not talking about just laying there. But actually meet his needs ... Suck his cock with meaning. Get involved in fucking his brains out. Perform BBCR, or occasionally engage in ass play. Your soon to be ex will be drained. He will not have the desire, or energy, to chase some strange. Oh his eyes will wander ... But his pecker will stay at home and have some more home cooking.

So ladies keep the fire burning at home. Up your game. Or welcome to the hobby and be hurt over discovering your soon to be ex has been playing around. It really is up to you. Learn the hard lessons now and remember them the next time you get in a relationship.

Now if you took care of your end of the deal and the soon to be ex still getting strange ... then that is on him and you should dump his dumb ass.

Now show your taint."



Here is the linck to the original thread, http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?...e+announcement. I thinck your post should be merged with my thread and made a sticky. That way, hopefully its one of the first things the pissed off SOs see when they get on icky.

[gateswarm]

Personally I think that Aphrodite will have luck with that....there are some of us out there who..in order to enjoy my time with a provider....has to like her as well. The intimacy part...perhaps perceived....is just as important to us as the sensual part. I have been very fortunate to find providers who I do truly like and enjoy being with and are not just a "booty call" for me. Perhaps this is all because I'm older and "wiser" but it works for me and I think it works for those few providers that I see....

Just my 2 cents.....thanks Aphrodite for the research....I think you are spot on..... :-)

[JohnnyYanks]

Very nicely said, Aphrodite. Thank you.

[Liliana Vess]

I agree with some of this, but I think parts are the same trite advice Cosmo doles out that makes women feel like everything is always their fault.

1) I don't get this. Why would you not discuss things with your spouse? Isn't part of the point of marriage that you can talk and be an ear to each other, even if it's not one person's favorite discussion topic? The wife is expected to do all this appreciating and ego stroking in 6/7 but the husband shouldn't have to put effort into taking care of his wife's emotional needs?

2) You are setting women up for failure here. So you want them to try to be attractive to their husbands, but they shouldn't try to get honest feedback about what they like? If someone can't provide honest feedback in an open dialogue, how will you ever meet each other's needs. Why would you think what your gay friend likes = what your husband likes? Failure time.
5) I agree with some of this, but bartering for sex seems like a terrible idea that is setting everyone up for some extremely bad feelings. Husbands should be able to do those things without being bribed. Maybe if they did them willingly in a partnership the wife's sex drive would be more active. Frequent quid pro quo sex seems horrible and as a guy, wouldn't you want to feel that your wife WANTED to have sex with you, not that she is just doing so in order to take a nap?

[jbravo_123]

Yeah, if dudes are going to have to pay for sex anyways, they'll just go to a provider...

[pyramider]

LV,

If the fucktard strays its his decision, and his alone. Some have been pushed away, and to be truthful should have sought counseling and/or divorce. The fucktards' behavior is not being condoned. If the wife does her part in the relationship and the fucktard strays it ALL on him. But the fact is many wives do not do their part.

A relationship can only work if TWO people are participating and working at it. If only one person is engaged in the relationship and the other has checked out ... its all but over. Some fucktards use that as an excuse to hobby. Why not take care of things at home? Or just be done and divorce and go separate ways? Cowardice? Money? An open relationship or permission to hobby within guidelines?

[Liliana Vess]

I agree with you pyramider, esp in regard to it taking two people.

I just get aggravated when I see these lists where it is one sided and and if the woman just did this handy list of xyz everything would be perfect. It's just not accurate, especially since those lists often totally ignore that communication is key. It's not realistic and it sets women up to fail.

I'm sure there are similar lists that set men up for failure, but I don't generally look at men's mags. I also think women are more likely to put all the blame on themselves rather than attack the problem as a couple.

[mm-good]

Very interesting thread OP!

I agree with Pyramider...I am a fukctard. I made the choice. It is not my SO's fault or responsibility. While I could really give some great reasons and rationalization to win over support. I made a conscious decision to try P4P instead of the other options on the table. While I am sure SO would be unhappy and hurt if/when she found out. (yes, I agree we all 'know' but we all dont want to know).

I have met some really amazing women and have had some once in a lifetime experiences. I am not sure I would trade for them. Yes, I've fallen into lust and minor obsessions. I work through that.....eventually I can even say I've had genuine feelings stronger than what I called 'love' in my adolescent/young adult years.

Hmm, if the tables were turned and my SO was (or is) seeing a provider. I would be surprised yes. Hurt? I honestly do not know. Easy to say hypothetically 'no'. But I am sure there would be bewilderment more than anything. Not being negative or anything. Its just that as we age our bodies, hormones etc. change - so after I got ver that surprise...Id really have to consider the MFM Ive been working up to (jk)... so iam not sure how I would react. Even more interesting is if she does not know and this same scenario happened would I tell her about my escapade(s).... Hmmmm....

Well that all of that I divulge. Now back to my obsession with well I'll not divulge that either and just tell you that when I am with her she is... well .. mm-good!